Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
