If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
