I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
