His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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