Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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