she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
