im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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