Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
