Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
