I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
