I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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