I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
