I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
