My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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