Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
