I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
