Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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