I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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