you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
