Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
