I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
