I wish I only lived at night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
