Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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