woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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