I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
