Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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