Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
