marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
