I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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