and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
