Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
