3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
