as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am one with the molecules
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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