Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Small penises have feelings too.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
