there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
