There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
a search helicopter?!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
