I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
