I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
