I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
