Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
