I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
