all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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