i barfeds in our rink
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
