Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
how does that bad decision feel?
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