More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
