its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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