1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
