yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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