Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
