my phone needs a breathalizer
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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