she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
