some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i now understand why vodka
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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