Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
